Spicy psychology

Studying and practicing magick probably isn't what you're expecting. It certainly wasn't for me. I approached it with reverence and more than a little cautious fear. What most people "know" about magick and the occult comes mostly from entertainment or religion in one way or another. That is to say, what most people "know" is complete horseshit. The occult in general isn't "evil" or about Satanic worship. Hell, most Satanists don't even worship Satan. It's not even mostly about casting spells or communing with spirits (though that's certainly part of it, depending on what you're trying to accomplish and how you choose to do so). 

A large part of magick, at least at the beginning of the path, is actually therapy. A lot of practitioners jokingly refer to it as "spicy psychology." It makes sense if you think about it. You don't trick out a car without fixing all the internal issues first. A pretty car isn't worth much if it doesn't run. Most of what you'll do as a practitioner takes place inside your head, and if your head is a mess of anxiety, fear, depression, anger, etc. you're going to have difficult time focusing and making much of anything happen.

It's only been four years since I opened myself back up completely and started on this path. When I began, I was clinically depressed, suicidal, had near-crippling anxiety, was about ten years into an opioid addiction (prescribed pain killers for chronic pain), a nicotine addiction (I convinced myself it helped with the anxiety), and a constant rotation of trying new psych meds to help with the depression and suicidal ideation. Oh, and I had "retired" as a licensed pastor and was in the midst of a massive crisis of faith that was feeding the depression and wanting to off myself. I was a giant mess, and the only things that kept me from just checking out early was the thought of how it would hurt my family, and the indoctrinated fear about going to Hell and just continuing to suffer for eternity. 

Not a great place to be.

I'll go into detail about all of that another time, but for now I want to stick with how magick helped. Shadow work is a type of psychotherapy concept that was first developed by psychoanalyst (and practitioner) Carl Jung. It focuses on the deep parts of our psyche that we keep hidden, where our most deep trauma, resentment, fears, etc. reside. Think of therapy as going to you regular doctor to get a check up and treat colds, viruses, and other general medical issues. Shadow Work is like going to a cancer specialist. Like fighting a battle with cancer, it isn't a one time thing. It's a constant process. 

I can't speak for others, only for myself and my experiences. For me, shadow work has been a process of stages. I'll have a goal issue that is focused on- say the sources of anxiety that's causing me to be a jittery mess as an example. After some magickal prep work, which I'll detail later, I'd settle down into deep meditation, and would often have a Guide that would help me to explore what was really behind the issue, and how I can come to terms with it. It's difficult. It's emotional. It requires brutal honesty with yourself, which can often be the most difficult thing to do. You get through it. There's a period of rest, and then the process starts again with the next thing. 

I'll have been on this path for just four years this October. In that time, I've become almost a completely different person. I no longer have crippling anxiety. That constant feeling of someone gripping my heart and squeezing is gone. A lot of the seething rage I had built up inside of me has been bled out. I went from being almost cripplingly depressed and suicidal daily, to having flare ups every now and then. If I have a suicidal thought, it's rare and mostly fleeting. This is a big deal, considering before I used to have to struggle to resist the constant impulse and mental image of slashing open my wrists. I no longer need medication for the anxiety or depression, and haven't for over two years. 

I quit both the pain pills and the nicotine cold turkey. Magickal techniques helped to combat the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. After taking hydrocodone at the highest dosage my doctor could prescribe four times a day for over a decade, I never once got the shakes, puked, or had any of the other major effects of withdrawal. It still sucked and I felt like crap, don't get me wrong, but I was spared the worst of it. I know it was the magick that made the difference because I'd gone into withdrawals after running out of pills several times over the years, and after just twelve hours of not having anything in my system I would be a shaky, pain-addled mess curled up in the fetal position praying for death. That didn't happen this time. I haven't touched either in well over a year and have no desire to at all. No cravings. No impulse to pick it back up. I can be around people vaping or smoking and it doesn't phase me a bit. 

Traditional therapy and medications didn't do that. Religion didn't do that. Faith didn't do that. A god didn't do that. 

I did.

That's not to say that I didn't have support that was absolutely clutch. I have Allies that leant me their wisdom, their guidance, and in a few cases, their strength and protection. We'll discuss them in more detail next time.